The Need to Forgive By Rabbi Dovid Goldwasser

The Mishnah in Yuma (8:9) declares that the sins of a person are not forgiven on Yom Kippur unless he has appeased his friend. In reverse, explains the Rambam in Hilchos Teshuvah, one should not be cruel and spiteful; he should be magnanimous and pardon his friend.

HaGaon R’ Chaim Brisker once issued a judgment against a butcher. In a temper, the butcher furiously lashed out against him, calling him a “thief and a murderer.” The butcher was so outraged that he could not be calmed down until R’ Chaim strongly rebuked him.

That Yom Kippur eve, before the chazzan began to recite the Kol Nidre, R’ Chaim approached the butcher and asked for his mechilah. The butcher, still angry, refused to forgive him.

R’ Chaim then assembled three people, as is cited in the Shulchan Aruch, and in their presence once again asked the butcher for mechilah.

Why did R’ Chaim persist in trying to appease the butcher? After all, R’ Chaim had been absolutely correct in reprimanding the butcher. In fact, aside from publicly humiliating the tzaddik and gaon, each accusation that the butcher hurled at the gaon incurred for him personally another serious violation of the Torah’s commandments. It was actually incumbent upon R’ Chaim to prevent the butcher from continuing with his diatribe.

R’ Chaim, however, was concerned that the butcher had been publicly humiliated by his admonishment and wanted to be vindicated for that transgression before the onset of Yom Kippur.

The Art of Forgiving By Rabbi Dovid Goldwasser

They asked him, “Who are you? Have you performed any extraordinary or exceptional acts in your life?”

The man was totally perplexed and answered, “I am a simple person. I cannot imagine any reason why these miracles occurred.”

The tanna’im pressured him to think again and reevaluate what deed could possibly have merited such a phenomenon. He said, “There is only one thing I can possibly think of. Before I go to sleep each night, I make sure to pardon any person who may have wronged me in any way or been hurtful to me. In addition, the next day I try to find a favor I can do for that person who wronged me, so that he will perhaps become my friend.”

“Indeed,” replied the tannai’im, “in a way you are even greater than Yosef HaTzaddik. When Yosef’s brothers tried to harm him, he repaid their evil with good, but they were his own brothers, his family. You are repaying good to people who tried to hurt you, and are not even members of your own family.”

The Power of Forgiving By Rabbi Dovid Goldwasser

Our chachamim teach us that at this time of year it is especially important to forgive others and to ask others to be mochel (forgive) us. A forgiving nature earns the individual the unique merit that Hashem, in turn, is mochel our sins and transgressions.

There is a fascinating story related by the Zohar which illustrates the exceptional power of mechilah.

Two sages were walking along the road and they noticed a man resting against a wall, with his eyes closed. As they passed, they glimpsed a poisonous snake crawling close by the man, poised to strike. Suddenly a weasel appeared, and attacked the snake, killing it.

The sleeping man awoke, oblivious to the miracle that had just occurred, and resumed his journey on the road. He had only taken a number of steps when the entire wall came crashing down.

When the tanna’im (sages) observed that this individual had merited two separate miracles, they were intrigued and turned back to find out his identity.