The Need to Forgive By Rabbi Dovid Goldwasser

The Mishnah in Yuma (8:9) declares that the sins of a person are not forgiven on Yom Kippur unless he has appeased his friend. In reverse, explains the Rambam in Hilchos Teshuvah, one should not be cruel and spiteful; he should be magnanimous and pardon his friend.

HaGaon R’ Chaim Brisker once issued a judgment against a butcher. In a temper, the butcher furiously lashed out against him, calling him a “thief and a murderer.” The butcher was so outraged that he could not be calmed down until R’ Chaim strongly rebuked him.

That Yom Kippur eve, before the chazzan began to recite the Kol Nidre, R’ Chaim approached the butcher and asked for his mechilah. The butcher, still angry, refused to forgive him.

R’ Chaim then assembled three people, as is cited in the Shulchan Aruch, and in their presence once again asked the butcher for mechilah.

Why did R’ Chaim persist in trying to appease the butcher? After all, R’ Chaim had been absolutely correct in reprimanding the butcher. In fact, aside from publicly humiliating the tzaddik and gaon, each accusation that the butcher hurled at the gaon incurred for him personally another serious violation of the Torah’s commandments. It was actually incumbent upon R’ Chaim to prevent the butcher from continuing with his diatribe.

R’ Chaim, however, was concerned that the butcher had been publicly humiliated by his admonishment and wanted to be vindicated for that transgression before the onset of Yom Kippur.